Where did that first month go?

I knew the time would fly but this has been ridiculous. This first month has absolutely disappeared, which is surprising really given I've been nowhere near as productive as I'd anticipated.

I guess when I stopped work and eventually finished doing all the things I had to do in order to get here, arrived in this beautiful country and all of a sudden had no where I had to be in a hurry, no deadlines to meet, and could just slow down and breathe, my body firstly decided it needed a head cold to ensure I slowed down and then the grief stuff reared it's head for a while as well. 

Add that to a little old fashioned turmoil from some ongoing stuff (stuff is such a good word at times, covers all manner of things) back home and I was all over the place emotionally and could barely get my head together some days!

It's deeply annoying that I've allowed some of it to get on top of me and it's rather disheartening to say the least when you realise you are your own biggest disappointment. 

However, it's a timely reminder that this trip is wholly and soul-y about me. It was a very deliberate decision to do this trip solo for a variety of reasons, mostly around my own personal growth, the adventure of course, but also taking the time to grieve Mum's passing instead of putting it on the back burner to catch up with me later and to reflect on my own life - the good, the bad, the ugly so to speak, what I want out of life from here, what I want to achieve and putting an active plan in place so I can move ahead.

So all that deep and meaningful stuff acknowledged, what else have I actually done in the almost 5 weeks I've been here? In between all the angst, I've managed to do a little local sightseeing (as in drive, look, soak up the views, take photo's), enjoy some walks around the lake front and pick some wild flowers.

I usually spend some time each day around the lake front and at least once or twice a week can be found writing in my journal that I was gifted by a very dear friend prior to leaving, specifically for the purpose of capturing this trip.

As I arrived just as the ski season was closing, it was the perfect opportunity to check out Cardrona Ski Resort for the first time and of course, I couldn't miss out on going up to Treble Cone again this year. The views alone are worth it.

Cardrona and Treble Cone are quite different. The road up the mountain to Cardrona is wider and the views show the beauty of the valley below. The base and ticketing area is much bigger and you have the option of the open air chair or an enclosed gondola (otherwise known as the chondola) to go up the mountain. 

There's much more on offer in the way of food at the base camp and at the top, there is a small cafe that has some basics including hot chocolate and mulled wine with the option of table and chairs or bean bags to enjoy a break in.

It's great having the option of taking a gondola rather than the chair, especially when the wind can be icy! Obviously any pics you take aren't going to have the clarity of the open air, but you will be warmer.

As mentioned, Treble Cone is worth the trip for the views alone. Yes, the road is narrower and perhaps a little more winding and there are no gondolas to ride in, but oh my gosh, the views are spectacular. 

The outdoor cafe area is larger with a number of tables and chairs, plus the addition of some deck chairs if you really want to lay back and take in the views. 

It was closing weekend when I went up this year which means it's fancy dress on the mountain. There were some hilarious outfits and I am in awe of how some still managed to ski or snowboard in their get ups.

I've spent time reading under a big tree at the Lavender Farm.

I've bought myself a little car to get around in that reminds me of Postman Pat's car, without the black and white cat (kids story for those who don't know about Postman Pat).

I joined the local art society and attended a painting class.

I took an overnight trip to Aoraki Mt Cook, stayed in a fabulous little motel with the most incredible views and went stargazing that night at the local airport.

Along the way I also took a detour to get a closer view of the Clay Cliffs at Oamaru.

I've applied for umpteen dozen jobs, some of the applications haven't closed yet but in the meantime I have a summer job starting next month where this is the view! (this is not one of my pics by the way, it's courtesy of Google)

I've met a young couple who were working and travelling around NZ, had spent time in some of my favourite places in Australia and were about to head up to the west coast to work for a while. I met a lady from California who had been in NZ for 2 weeks and fallen in love with the area.

I attended the local charity duck race which was entertaining and the two ducks I bought are probably still making their way down the creek.

After the duck race, I went along to the opening of a local art exhibition. There are some very talented artists in the area and why wouldn't there be when they have a gorgeous landscape for inspiration. 

I've watched bus loads of tourists get off their bus and move straight towards the water with their camera's in hand.

I've tasted the local gelato and had delicious Mexican food from a local food van that I took up to the nearby little lookout in the middle of town to enjoy.

I've gone across to Arrowtown and listened to some of the Queenstown Jazz Festival.

I've written lots of postcards and am feeling incredibly blessed to have been able to make this dream of mine happen. And that dear readers, is a snapshot of my first 5 weeks in New Zealand.

And so it begins...

This year of adventure, reflection, healing, time out and exploration - not necessarily in that order but encompassing them all.

It feels somewhat surreal and I can hardly believe that I'm actually doing this. A 12 month sabbatical! I didn't think I would have the courage to do something this big on my own.

Yet it became incredibly important to me to do this solo trip and a year 'out' feels completely right for me at this point in time.

My farewell from work was heartfelt and filled with many good wishes, a few stories and some laughs. There was an acknowledgement to country by one of our Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander colleague's followed by a minute's silence to honour and pay respect on the passing of Mum and another colleague's mother who had passed 6 weeks after Mum. Needless to say, it was a very emotional moment for me and no doubt for my colleague.

The last two weeks in Australia flew and were rather hectic trying to tie up loose ends at work before doing a road trip back to Brisbane to spend some time with family and loved ones before I left for the land of the long white cloud.

I have to say packing up your life for 12 months into two suitcases and one carry on is no mean feat!  Especially when there's very distinct seasons and snow involved. 

I decided earlier on that I may as well meet another fear of mine head on by flying into Queenstown airport. For those of you who know the area, you will understand the reason this has been a big deal for me. For those of you who don't know the area, perhaps these pics of coming in to land will be self explanatory.

  

And yes, I even had a window seat! It wasn't as bumpy as I thought it may be given the cloud cover and I've watched the planes come in between the mountains before, so I managed to swallow the fear and enjoy the scenery. Admittedly I was very glad to be on the ground safely but I have to say that the scenic views out both sides of the plane are pretty impressive.

I decided to mark the start of my year in NZ with a Wilderness Cruise on Doubtful Sound so booked a couple of nights in Te Anau in order to do the cruise the day after my arrival.  

NZ is normally 2 hours ahead of Australia, however, I arrived the night that the clocks were turned forward for daylight savings, which meant I had an extra early start the next day.  

The trip involves a 50 minute boat cruise across Lake Manapouri, followed by a 22 km bus ride across the Wilmott Pass where you then board the boat for a 3+ hour cruise on Doubtful Sound. There is something incredibly special about this remote wilderness and I imagine to be there quietly (as in not on a boat with 50+ other people) would be unforgettable. Just the sounds of nature and wildlife - bliss! 

I spent some time down by the lake before I left Te Anau and it didn't take long before thoughts of Mum drifted by. On my previous visit to Te Anau, I'd had a long phone conversation with Mum and it was during this conversation that she'd asked me to bring her with me on the next trip and show her all my favourite places. Sigh.. I think there may be a few of those bittersweet memory moments ahead.

During my first 2 days in NZ, I managed to come down with a heck of a head cold so was all germified when I arrived in Wanaka at my new digs. Thankfully, it appears that I've not shared them with my housemates!

I'm now at the end of my first week in NZ and that time has flown too. There's lots more I've done but I'll save those stories and share a little later otherwise I may need to resort to chapters! In the meantime, I can't end the post without at least one Wanaka pic.

Solo trip coming right up!

A change to life as I knew it, some time to pick up the pieces and a huge leap of faith... one might say it's been a big year so far and it's about to get bigger with one solo trip coming right up!

Am I excited? Hell yes! Am I scared? Definitely! I did mention the excited part too didn't I? And solo trip, why a solo trip I hear you ask? Because I need this. I need it for me. I need time to grieve and heal, time out from my life here, time to feel right with my world again.

But it's also more than that, much more than that. There are things I want to achieve on this trip of mine. I want to find my place and settle into this gorgeous part of the world that has a hold on my heart and is going to become home to me for a while.

I want to immerse myself in this little community, learn more about it's ways, take part in it's day to day life, it's culture, it's celebrations and it's festivals. For a relatively small place, it has a lot to offer.

This is going to be the adventure of my lifetime. It may be on a small scale compared to the adventures of others, but for me it's a big one and it's all about exploration on a variety of levels.

Not to mention that having the opportunity to explore more of this land I've come to love fills me with joy and a sense of anticipation.

The temptation to go technology free is huge! The thought of no phone or internet and just living in the moment, using pen and paper for capturing thoughts and communicating holds immense appeal.

Alas, it's not the world we live in today and at the very least, technology is needed for that little thing called work. So perhaps it will be about setting some boundaries and having some technology free days. I'm not sure what it will look like yet, but I sure am looking forward to it.

I've always loved letter writing (you know, that somewhat old fashioned method of communication that has fallen by the wayside as technology has taken over) and I will no doubt continue to keep in touch with my loved ones this way.

The thought of doing that from wherever I am makes me smile. I have visions of letter writing from the outdoor café in the snow at the top of the ski slopes where the views are magnificent or sitting by the lake among the lupins. So many possibilities!

So how close am I to doing all of this? Very close! It's just 3 short weeks until I fly out. I have less than 2 weeks up to pack up my life here in the tropics and start making my way back to Brisbane to spend some time with loved ones before I head off on my adventure.

Yes, I still have a LOT to do. Thank heavens for lists eh! This weekend will be a hive of activity, focused on sorting and packing, making sure I downsize to fit everything into my little car for the trip back to Brisbane and ensuring I can fit my life for the next year into a couple of suitcases.

So long as I have room for my essential oils, my camera, pen and paper, and maybe a couple of books, I'll be happy. Oh and some warm clothes, given it will much cooler there than it is here at the moment.

I have found somewhere to live in NZ and while I don't have a job to go to as yet, I do have a fairly solid lead on one. I'm looking forward to a little down time first though. I think I will need it after all the hectic activity leading up to my departure.

I'm thinking of doing something a little special when I arrive to mark the start of this adventure. I have a couple of ideas, but one seems to be resonating more than others. 

In the meantime, it's back to sorting and packing. Finding new homes for some of my belongings, storing others and giving away some things that have brought comfort and joy.

When Mum passed, the motel where my sister and I were staying gifted both of us with gorgeous little flowering cyclamen plants. While I love outdoor gardening and seem to have bit of a green thumb with them, indoor plants are a whole other story and I have fatalities with them more often than not. The cyclamen has survived for the last 4 months and is filling with buds once again so I've decided to gift it to a work colleague who has also recently lost her Mum.

In April last year when I moved into the little unit I'm in now, another colleague gave me an orchid and included in the instructions were don't kill it. My previous two orchids that I'd bought on my arrival up here had a short life sadly, hence the instruction. This one has not flowered in the 16 months I've had it until now and it's absolutely glorious. It currently has 9 flowers with another two buds likely to open in the coming days. So it seems fitting and will be with much pleasure I return the orchid to the colleague who gifted me in the first place.

So for now, it's all systems go as I go about packing up my life here ready to take this big step into a new adventure. I can hardly wait!

Time for a leap of faith...

Just after my last blog post, one of my cousin’s posted something on my Facebook page that helped put things back into perspective for me. Gotta love how that happens, kind of like serendipity eh? The right few words at just the right time. A little reminder that said…

Stop creating a life that you need a vacation from. Instead, move to where you want to live, do what you want to do, start what you want to start and create the life you want today. This isn't a rehearsal people. This is YOUR life!
Dale Partridge

Indeed it is! And who am I to argue with that? Focus on the goal, right? Eyes front, looking ahead towards them thar mountains!

So after all the procrastinating and the what if’s (which are still there by the way, I’m just trying to keep them quiet and focus on the positives) – where am I up to with these plans of mine you may ask? Some of them have been in progress for a little while and others have come from a flurry of recent activity, so I can do bit of a check list type of update.

Beginning with the easy stuff...

Start a dream/planner type of book and list the things I need to consider - check
Join a variety of relevant Wanaka Facebook pages – check

Sign up for job emails via SEEK and other job agencies – check

Sign up for rental agency and other accommodation possibility emails – check

Adding some more detail...

Get in touch with contacts/friends in the area/country - check
Select a date to aim for - check
Create a time line in the planner book - check
Put together a budget outlining everything that is relevant - check
Pay off debt and start saving - check

It's off and rolling...

Apply for a NZ Inland Revenue Department number (like the Aussie Tax File Number) - check
Open a NZ bank account - check ... hmm this is starting to sound serious!
Book a one way ticket while deciding if this is a holiday or a bigger adventure! - Whoa baby... check!
Book car hire for a week (should be long enough to find a car to buy if I'm staying) - check
Book accommodation for a week (hopefully I can find somewhere to live in that week if I'm staying) - check

Getting to the (gulp) bigger tasks!

Mention to line manager at work about these thoughts I'm having - check
Apply for a 12 month leave of absence from work - Holy Guacamole! - check

NB.. Abovementioned Leave of Absence was approved!! All of a sudden, things have become very real.  Shall we say, game ON!!!

This ball is definitely rolling now!!

Madly start applying for jobs, even if they are just outside of where I want to live (keeping my options open) - check
Explore longer term travel insurance - check
Consider what to do with my car? Ship over, sell, keep - decisions, decisions and still undecided at this stage, so will see what pans out as the time gets closer - check

List the things I need to do/consider before I go and add a timeline to my list - yeah I know, I'm a major list person! - check
Decide how long I can survive without a job - check
Have 101 doubts, wonder if I'm doing the right/wrong thing, then re-focus a zillion times - check

Purchase a new suitcase - check
Purchase some thermals - check
Purchase baggage for my flight because in my excitement booking my flight, I somehow booked a flight with just carry on luggage! (I don't think carry on will cut it for a move over there type of trip) - check


Check my savings and budget weekly (ok, maybe sometimes more frequently because I get all bent out of shape about stuff like that) - check
Decide again (and again) how long I can survive without a job - check

Have a plan B and maybe a plan C... even if it's vague - check
Start thinking about what I can sell to help boost my savings in order to fund my adventure - check
List what I need to take or consider on arrival - check
Review plans for the 493rd time - check

Timeline you say?  This is all starting to sound like it may happen soon and indeed it will...  Define soon! Hmm ok, since you asked soon is in just over 7 weeks time.

I know!  7 weeks... how crazy is that? The time is flying and there is a mountain of things to do between now and then. I can hardly wait!

Wanaka, here I come...

Picking up the pieces...

Grief is a strange thing isn't it? It can provide you with moments of clarity, offer the opportunity to reassess where you are in life and what you really want from life, and it can bring a sense of gratitude for what you have and all you've experienced thus far.

However, it can also broadside you, be relentless at times and then it has this little habit of popping up when you least expect it. I know grief is inevitable when we lose a loved one, even when we know they are not long for this world and I've experienced that before, as many of us have.

With Mum's passing though, I found myself a little unprepared for the path that lay ahead. I made the mistake of thinking the experience of grief may not be quite as intense and may be somewhat lessened by the fact that the Mum we knew and loved had been slowly slipping away from us the last few years due to dementia. Plus we also had a little advanced notice of her expected passing due to a fall she had 3 weeks prior.

But grief doesn't work that way and it's not prescriptive at all. It's almost like it has a mind of it's own and we just have to hang on for the ride, through the ups and downs.

As mentioned often throughout my posts, my dream for some time now has been to move to Wanaka and over the last 12 months I've been actively pursuing that dream, slowly but surely putting plans in place and taking steps for this to happen. 

What's been unexpected, has been the indecision that's suddenly come along with this grief stuff.  I'm usually a person who has no problems making a decision. I may take time to think something through, but once I know what feels right for me, I go ahead with the decision making part. 

All of a sudden, I'm in no mans land with the decision making, including decisions I've already made and committed to, not to mention the things I want to do! I seem to be second guessing everything, worrying about the what ifs more than ever and wondering about all the things that didn't really concern me before. To the point where I may change my mind a dozen times or more within a short space of time. 

And yes, it's happening with my plans for NZ. Plans that are already in progress. Plans that I really don't want to change because in my heart of hearts, this is what I want and where I want to be. Plans that if there were any way possible, I would bring them forward because if I could be there now, I would be.

Yet here I am thinking up all kinds of crazy contingencies and being suddenly hesitant to make firm decisions. This is despite the fact I am more than ready to move away from where I'm currently living to a land with it's beautiful lakes and snow capped mountains that has been calling me loudly for the last few years. 

It's also something my beloved mother wholeheartedly supported. She was excited for me and wanted me to follow that dream, to not let anyone or anything hold me back. So why this sudden indecision and the lack of faith and confidence around it all? I have no idea! It's driving me bonkers. Some days I can successfully put it aside and other days not.

At the moment, I'm away on a mini retreat up in the beautiful Atherton Tablelands in a little place called Yungaburra. A perfect little spot to have some quiet time out, to reflect, to think, to dream, to do as little or as much as I want, to not have to talk to anyone, be anywhere or do anything specific.. just to be!

As always, NZ is in the forefront of my mind. My longing to spend a longer period of time in Wanaka has not lessened. I also want to explore other places while I'm there. I just have to figure out the logistics - or perhaps that's where I'm going wrong, trying to figure it all out. Perhaps it's one of those times that I need to just let go and have faith that all will be as it's meant to be.

I want nothing more at this point in time than to go to this place that's found it's way into my heart and soul. A place where I can be brave and go horse riding for the first time in 30+ years!

A place where I can swallow my fear of heights to enjoy a scenic chairlift ride...

And have a hot chocolate at the outdoor cafe...

So, it's time for me to let go of the worries and take that leap of faith. Next stop Wanaka!