And so it begins...

This year of adventure, reflection, healing, time out and exploration - not necessarily in that order but encompassing them all.

It feels somewhat surreal and I can hardly believe that I'm actually doing this. A 12 month sabbatical! I didn't think I would have the courage to do something this big on my own.

Yet it became incredibly important to me to do this solo trip and a year 'out' feels completely right for me at this point in time.

My farewell from work was heartfelt and filled with many good wishes, a few stories and some laughs. There was an acknowledgement to country by one of our Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander colleague's followed by a minute's silence to honour and pay respect on the passing of Mum and another colleague's mother who had passed 6 weeks after Mum. Needless to say, it was a very emotional moment for me and no doubt for my colleague.

The last two weeks in Australia flew and were rather hectic trying to tie up loose ends at work before doing a road trip back to Brisbane to spend some time with family and loved ones before I left for the land of the long white cloud.

I have to say packing up your life for 12 months into two suitcases and one carry on is no mean feat!  Especially when there's very distinct seasons and snow involved. 

I decided earlier on that I may as well meet another fear of mine head on by flying into Queenstown airport. For those of you who know the area, you will understand the reason this has been a big deal for me. For those of you who don't know the area, perhaps these pics of coming in to land will be self explanatory.

  

And yes, I even had a window seat! It wasn't as bumpy as I thought it may be given the cloud cover and I've watched the planes come in between the mountains before, so I managed to swallow the fear and enjoy the scenery. Admittedly I was very glad to be on the ground safely but I have to say that the scenic views out both sides of the plane are pretty impressive.

I decided to mark the start of my year in NZ with a Wilderness Cruise on Doubtful Sound so booked a couple of nights in Te Anau in order to do the cruise the day after my arrival.  

NZ is normally 2 hours ahead of Australia, however, I arrived the night that the clocks were turned forward for daylight savings, which meant I had an extra early start the next day.  

The trip involves a 50 minute boat cruise across Lake Manapouri, followed by a 22 km bus ride across the Wilmott Pass where you then board the boat for a 3+ hour cruise on Doubtful Sound. There is something incredibly special about this remote wilderness and I imagine to be there quietly (as in not on a boat with 50+ other people) would be unforgettable. Just the sounds of nature and wildlife - bliss! 

I spent some time down by the lake before I left Te Anau and it didn't take long before thoughts of Mum drifted by. On my previous visit to Te Anau, I'd had a long phone conversation with Mum and it was during this conversation that she'd asked me to bring her with me on the next trip and show her all my favourite places. Sigh.. I think there may be a few of those bittersweet memory moments ahead.

During my first 2 days in NZ, I managed to come down with a heck of a head cold so was all germified when I arrived in Wanaka at my new digs. Thankfully, it appears that I've not shared them with my housemates!

I'm now at the end of my first week in NZ and that time has flown too. There's lots more I've done but I'll save those stories and share a little later otherwise I may need to resort to chapters! In the meantime, I can't end the post without at least one Wanaka pic.

Solo trip coming right up!

A change to life as I knew it, some time to pick up the pieces and a huge leap of faith... one might say it's been a big year so far and it's about to get bigger with one solo trip coming right up!

Am I excited? Hell yes! Am I scared? Definitely! I did mention the excited part too didn't I? And solo trip, why a solo trip I hear you ask? Because I need this. I need it for me. I need time to grieve and heal, time out from my life here, time to feel right with my world again.

But it's also more than that, much more than that. There are things I want to achieve on this trip of mine. I want to find my place and settle into this gorgeous part of the world that has a hold on my heart and is going to become home to me for a while.

I want to immerse myself in this little community, learn more about it's ways, take part in it's day to day life, it's culture, it's celebrations and it's festivals. For a relatively small place, it has a lot to offer.

This is going to be the adventure of my lifetime. It may be on a small scale compared to the adventures of others, but for me it's a big one and it's all about exploration on a variety of levels.

Not to mention that having the opportunity to explore more of this land I've come to love fills me with joy and a sense of anticipation.

The temptation to go technology free is huge! The thought of no phone or internet and just living in the moment, using pen and paper for capturing thoughts and communicating holds immense appeal.

Alas, it's not the world we live in today and at the very least, technology is needed for that little thing called work. So perhaps it will be about setting some boundaries and having some technology free days. I'm not sure what it will look like yet, but I sure am looking forward to it.

I've always loved letter writing (you know, that somewhat old fashioned method of communication that has fallen by the wayside as technology has taken over) and I will no doubt continue to keep in touch with my loved ones this way.

The thought of doing that from wherever I am makes me smile. I have visions of letter writing from the outdoor café in the snow at the top of the ski slopes where the views are magnificent or sitting by the lake among the lupins. So many possibilities!

So how close am I to doing all of this? Very close! It's just 3 short weeks until I fly out. I have less than 2 weeks up to pack up my life here in the tropics and start making my way back to Brisbane to spend some time with loved ones before I head off on my adventure.

Yes, I still have a LOT to do. Thank heavens for lists eh! This weekend will be a hive of activity, focused on sorting and packing, making sure I downsize to fit everything into my little car for the trip back to Brisbane and ensuring I can fit my life for the next year into a couple of suitcases.

So long as I have room for my essential oils, my camera, pen and paper, and maybe a couple of books, I'll be happy. Oh and some warm clothes, given it will much cooler there than it is here at the moment.

I have found somewhere to live in NZ and while I don't have a job to go to as yet, I do have a fairly solid lead on one. I'm looking forward to a little down time first though. I think I will need it after all the hectic activity leading up to my departure.

I'm thinking of doing something a little special when I arrive to mark the start of this adventure. I have a couple of ideas, but one seems to be resonating more than others. 

In the meantime, it's back to sorting and packing. Finding new homes for some of my belongings, storing others and giving away some things that have brought comfort and joy.

When Mum passed, the motel where my sister and I were staying gifted both of us with gorgeous little flowering cyclamen plants. While I love outdoor gardening and seem to have bit of a green thumb with them, indoor plants are a whole other story and I have fatalities with them more often than not. The cyclamen has survived for the last 4 months and is filling with buds once again so I've decided to gift it to a work colleague who has also recently lost her Mum.

In April last year when I moved into the little unit I'm in now, another colleague gave me an orchid and included in the instructions were don't kill it. My previous two orchids that I'd bought on my arrival up here had a short life sadly, hence the instruction. This one has not flowered in the 16 months I've had it until now and it's absolutely glorious. It currently has 9 flowers with another two buds likely to open in the coming days. So it seems fitting and will be with much pleasure I return the orchid to the colleague who gifted me in the first place.

So for now, it's all systems go as I go about packing up my life here ready to take this big step into a new adventure. I can hardly wait!

Time for a leap of faith...

Just after my last blog post, one of my cousin’s posted something on my Facebook page that helped put things back into perspective for me. Gotta love how that happens, kind of like serendipity eh? The right few words at just the right time. A little reminder that said…

Stop creating a life that you need a vacation from. Instead, move to where you want to live, do what you want to do, start what you want to start and create the life you want today. This isn't a rehearsal people. This is YOUR life!
Dale Partridge

Indeed it is! And who am I to argue with that? Focus on the goal, right? Eyes front, looking ahead towards them thar mountains!

So after all the procrastinating and the what if’s (which are still there by the way, I’m just trying to keep them quiet and focus on the positives) – where am I up to with these plans of mine you may ask? Some of them have been in progress for a little while and others have come from a flurry of recent activity, so I can do bit of a check list type of update.

Beginning with the easy stuff...

Start a dream/planner type of book and list the things I need to consider - check
Join a variety of relevant Wanaka Facebook pages – check

Sign up for job emails via SEEK and other job agencies – check

Sign up for rental agency and other accommodation possibility emails – check

Adding some more detail...

Get in touch with contacts/friends in the area/country - check
Select a date to aim for - check
Create a time line in the planner book - check
Put together a budget outlining everything that is relevant - check
Pay off debt and start saving - check

It's off and rolling...

Apply for a NZ Inland Revenue Department number (like the Aussie Tax File Number) - check
Open a NZ bank account - check ... hmm this is starting to sound serious!
Book a one way ticket while deciding if this is a holiday or a bigger adventure! - Whoa baby... check!
Book car hire for a week (should be long enough to find a car to buy if I'm staying) - check
Book accommodation for a week (hopefully I can find somewhere to live in that week if I'm staying) - check

Getting to the (gulp) bigger tasks!

Mention to line manager at work about these thoughts I'm having - check
Apply for a 12 month leave of absence from work - Holy Guacamole! - check

NB.. Abovementioned Leave of Absence was approved!! All of a sudden, things have become very real.  Shall we say, game ON!!!

This ball is definitely rolling now!!

Madly start applying for jobs, even if they are just outside of where I want to live (keeping my options open) - check
Explore longer term travel insurance - check
Consider what to do with my car? Ship over, sell, keep - decisions, decisions and still undecided at this stage, so will see what pans out as the time gets closer - check

List the things I need to do/consider before I go and add a timeline to my list - yeah I know, I'm a major list person! - check
Decide how long I can survive without a job - check
Have 101 doubts, wonder if I'm doing the right/wrong thing, then re-focus a zillion times - check

Purchase a new suitcase - check
Purchase some thermals - check
Purchase baggage for my flight because in my excitement booking my flight, I somehow booked a flight with just carry on luggage! (I don't think carry on will cut it for a move over there type of trip) - check


Check my savings and budget weekly (ok, maybe sometimes more frequently because I get all bent out of shape about stuff like that) - check
Decide again (and again) how long I can survive without a job - check

Have a plan B and maybe a plan C... even if it's vague - check
Start thinking about what I can sell to help boost my savings in order to fund my adventure - check
List what I need to take or consider on arrival - check
Review plans for the 493rd time - check

Timeline you say?  This is all starting to sound like it may happen soon and indeed it will...  Define soon! Hmm ok, since you asked soon is in just over 7 weeks time.

I know!  7 weeks... how crazy is that? The time is flying and there is a mountain of things to do between now and then. I can hardly wait!

Wanaka, here I come...

Picking up the pieces...

Grief is a strange thing isn't it? It can provide you with moments of clarity, offer the opportunity to reassess where you are in life and what you really want from life, and it can bring a sense of gratitude for what you have and all you've experienced thus far.

However, it can also broadside you, be relentless at times and then it has this little habit of popping up when you least expect it. I know grief is inevitable when we lose a loved one, even when we know they are not long for this world and I've experienced that before, as many of us have.

With Mum's passing though, I found myself a little unprepared for the path that lay ahead. I made the mistake of thinking the experience of grief may not be quite as intense and may be somewhat lessened by the fact that the Mum we knew and loved had been slowly slipping away from us the last few years due to dementia. Plus we also had a little advanced notice of her expected passing due to a fall she had 3 weeks prior.

But grief doesn't work that way and it's not prescriptive at all. It's almost like it has a mind of it's own and we just have to hang on for the ride, through the ups and downs.

As mentioned often throughout my posts, my dream for some time now has been to move to Wanaka and over the last 12 months I've been actively pursuing that dream, slowly but surely putting plans in place and taking steps for this to happen. 

What's been unexpected, has been the indecision that's suddenly come along with this grief stuff.  I'm usually a person who has no problems making a decision. I may take time to think something through, but once I know what feels right for me, I go ahead with the decision making part. 

All of a sudden, I'm in no mans land with the decision making, including decisions I've already made and committed to, not to mention the things I want to do! I seem to be second guessing everything, worrying about the what ifs more than ever and wondering about all the things that didn't really concern me before. To the point where I may change my mind a dozen times or more within a short space of time. 

And yes, it's happening with my plans for NZ. Plans that are already in progress. Plans that I really don't want to change because in my heart of hearts, this is what I want and where I want to be. Plans that if there were any way possible, I would bring them forward because if I could be there now, I would be.

Yet here I am thinking up all kinds of crazy contingencies and being suddenly hesitant to make firm decisions. This is despite the fact I am more than ready to move away from where I'm currently living to a land with it's beautiful lakes and snow capped mountains that has been calling me loudly for the last few years. 

It's also something my beloved mother wholeheartedly supported. She was excited for me and wanted me to follow that dream, to not let anyone or anything hold me back. So why this sudden indecision and the lack of faith and confidence around it all? I have no idea! It's driving me bonkers. Some days I can successfully put it aside and other days not.

At the moment, I'm away on a mini retreat up in the beautiful Atherton Tablelands in a little place called Yungaburra. A perfect little spot to have some quiet time out, to reflect, to think, to dream, to do as little or as much as I want, to not have to talk to anyone, be anywhere or do anything specific.. just to be!

As always, NZ is in the forefront of my mind. My longing to spend a longer period of time in Wanaka has not lessened. I also want to explore other places while I'm there. I just have to figure out the logistics - or perhaps that's where I'm going wrong, trying to figure it all out. Perhaps it's one of those times that I need to just let go and have faith that all will be as it's meant to be.

I want nothing more at this point in time than to go to this place that's found it's way into my heart and soul. A place where I can be brave and go horse riding for the first time in 30+ years!

A place where I can swallow my fear of heights to enjoy a scenic chairlift ride...

And have a hot chocolate at the outdoor cafe...

So, it's time for me to let go of the worries and take that leap of faith. Next stop Wanaka!

Life as I knew it...

We never know what's around the corner do we? Just 3 short days after my last post sharing about the dreams Mum had for travel to NZ, my beloved mother passed away. 

The weeks since she's been gone have been reflective as we've shared stories with loved ones and celebrated her life. My desire to spend a longer period of time in NZ is now stronger than ever. I can't help but think of Mum's words of not to let anyone or anything stand in my way of making that happen.

I want to see more of the countryside and revisit some of my favourite places too. I want to take my time and soak it all up. I long to rest a while there, find my place in the local community, do something different and give my heart time to heal.

I spoke with my cousin who lives in the North Island and had been close to Mum. They hadn't seen each other in recent years and my cousin was quite shocked to hear of Mum's passing. It was good to have a quick catch up by phone and the invitation to visit any time was extended to me too - come visit, bring the family, we have lots of room. I remember this same invite from when I was a child. 

I think the time has come to look at taking this invite up. My cousin lives at the opposite end of the country to where I would like to settle but what a great reason to see more of the North Island. A part of me feels like I need to do this for Mum too. To follow up on that one thing she always wanted to do.

So it's with this in mind and a deep longing for change that I have begun to put solid plans in place to move ahead with making my dreams a reality. It feels right and I have a sense the changes will bring the opportunity to soothe and heal my soul.

Now the decision is made and plans are coming together, amongst the feeling of butterflies in my stomach about what I'm doing, there's also a great excitement and I am so looking forward to this experience. 

It involves a big leap of faith, however, leaps of faith are something I've done before so when those fluttery feelings come up I review my plans and remind myself, you've got this!

I want to enjoy a summer by the lake, kayak on the sunny warm days and explore the many walking tracks. 

I want to see the glorious changing colours of the leaves as autumn arrives and to walk among the leaves around the lake. 

I want to see the snowfall, touch a snowflake with my tongue, maybe make a snow angel and take another scenic chair lift ride up the snow covered mountains. 

And last but not least, I want to see and smell the blossoms that greet the spring. 

A full year, experiencing each season, exploring more of the beautiful surroundings, this time finding my place as a member of the community rather than as a visitor.

If there was any possible way I could be there now, I would be. The time can't come soon enough!  In the meantime, it's about patience as I go about putting everything in place for this to happen, being comforted by the fact it won't be too long now. 

Note - the summer and autumn photos are not my own.

If only...

For as long as I can remember, my mother has wanted to go to New Zealand. She also wanted to visit Tasmania and England, however, New Zealand was by far top of her list.

Over the years whenever she raised the idea with Dad, there always seemed to be some reason why now wasn't a good time or it couldn't happen until something else happened first. One of Dad's favourite sayings was you don't visit other countries until you've explored your own. However, that didn't happen either.

Mum had just gone into a nursing home when I took my first trip to NZ in 2012 and she was so excited for me. When I came home, she was keen to hear all the details and look at the multitude of pics I'd taken.

In 2013 I went to Hobart with friends for a week to celebrate a big birthday.

Then early 2014 I had a very quick trip to Wanaka to scope out possibilities for hosting a women's retreat followed by two more weeks in the South Island later that year.

It was during this trip, I did a lot more exploring of the South Island. Mum and I had spoke a few times on the phone during that time, however, I remember one conversation very clearly. 

I was sitting by the lake in Te Anau and she was asking about all I'd seen and was wanting to know about my favourite places. She then asked would I take her with me on my next trip and show her all my favourite places plus any other places I thought she'd like. 

It ended up being somewhat of an emotional conversation, particularly with Mum reflecting that it had been the one thing in life she'd wanted to do above anything else and was the most elusive. For Mum, the emotion was around the possibility of realising a long held dream and for me, knowing that I may be able to somehow facilitate that dream coming true.

It also made me deeply aware of my own mortality on so many levels. I was already at a point where I had started thinking I would like to spend some time living in NZ, however, this was to be at least an 18 months to two year plan. 

Mum was thrilled when I mentioned my dream and has been my biggest champion for following this dream. She has often reminded me that now is my time, my children have all grown up and I have no ties. She told me over and over do not let anyone stop you, no matter who it is or what happens in your future, because once the time that provides the opportunity is gone, it's gone for good (meaning age, health and life itself).

In the meantime, my sister and I started exploring whether this trip for Mum would be possible. We knew realistically the trip would be far more manageable with both of us to help with her day to day care and for managing those sometimes challenging moments.

Mum was no spring chicken and she was in the early-mid stages of dementia. She still had some mobility but required a wheelie walker as her balance was unsteady. Due to her dementia, Mum was also unable to do things on her own and experienced some confusion, particularly when away from everything familiar. 

So the logistics of such a trip were huge. We thought about what we'd need to do to pull off such a trip. Her passport, ensuring she was well enough to travel, where we could go that wasn't too difficult for her to get to and enjoy, and aligning our leave from work so we could all go together.

The last thing that came into play was not only the question of whether Mum physically able to do such a trip, but was she able to emotionally and mentally. This was a big consideration given we'd flown her up to Cairns to visit my brother and Dad just a few months prior to my NZ trip and it had been an unmitigated disaster from one end to the other for a variety of reasons, but mostly due to her confusion levels ramping up a notch or 16 once she was away from home.

Over the next couple of months, I'd considered where exactly in the South Island we could go. She was keen to visit my favourite places which meant Wanaka was the top of the list! 

She would love the Wanaka Lavender Farm that opened a few years ago. It's open through the spring and summer months and has become a favourite place to visit. (Photo below is from newsroom.co.nz)

Mum has always been bit of a foodie and I'm pretty sure she would love Florence's Food Store and Cafe as it is a foodie's heaven! You can browse for ages in there and despite your best resolve, still walk out with an armful of goodies. The food pic isn't mine, however, the following one of the view is one I took on my last visit.

Near Cromwell, there is a cheese factory I doubt she could resist. They serve delicious platters and it's worth the effort to stop in at Gibbston Valley Cheese.

Another place outside of Wanaka I'm sure she'd love is Lake Tekapo, especially the little church that sits by the lake.

Sadly, it started to became obvious as her dementia deteriorated, that this trip to NZ was unlikely to happen. 

We then considered whether we could do something similar in Tasmania thinking it was within the country and there are some similarities in countryside. The more we looked at what was achievable for her and how we would need to manage it, the more it became apparent that this trip was no longer possible for her.

I was devastated. Devastated for her because she was now beyond the point of being able to fulfill her biggest dream and devastated for me because in a short space of time, the opportunity to help her realise that dream had been whisked away not just by her physical health but also by this horrid thing called dementia. 

If only I'd thought of taking her along on that first trip, when although it may have held it's challenges, it probably still would have been possible.

Two years down the track, Mum's dementia has continued to march on. Sometimes she knows me, other times she's unsure who I am. She recently had a bad fall and we were advised she was unlikely to survive more than a few days. I visited her last week and a new staff member introduced herself to Mum, saying she was originally from NZ. Mum roused enough to say my daughter is going to take me to NZ. Absolutely bittersweet.

One thing I've learned from all this is to not let go of your dreams. Don't allow other people come between you and your dreams. Don't become so disheartened by life, that you decide for whatever reason not to follow your dream. 

I don't want to end up in the sunset years of my life with a bunch of regrets like my beloved Mum.

I've become so conscious of how short life is, how quickly the years slip by and how important it is to actively pursue our dreams. I'm not going to let anything stand between me and my dream of living in NZ for a while. I plan to spend a year over there and then decide whether I wish to return or stay. 

Making this decision and setting a time frame has been a little daunting but wildly exciting and I can hardly wait for this new adventure.

Wanaka does quirky!

What I love about NZ, is the quirky factor you find tucked away in little places here there and everywhere. Quirky has always appealed to me! It the little something that can give a place it's edge. It may not be anything big or flashy, just something a little out of the ordinary that catches your attention and appeals to your senses in some way.

There are a few things to appeal to the quirky senses in Wanaka, some more obvious than others. Out near the airport, there are two museums. One is the Warbirds and Wheels Museum which as the name suggests, has a great collection of historical fighter aircraft, a private collection of over 30 classic cars and motorcycles, and also some wearable art. 

Interesting probably fits this collection more than quirky, however, I thought this one was worth the mention due to the fascinating wearable art that holds it's place in the building.

There are also two walls dedicated to the pilots of World War I and World War II. One of these displays is a Roll of Honour Wall, the other a Fighter Ace Wall that displays biographies.

The other museum is the National Transport and Toy Museum which is one of the largest private collections in the world and has to be seen to be believed. I was gobsmacked at just how much was jammed into the spaces they have there. I thought this place definitely fitted the quirky factor for the sheer number of items fitted into four huge sheds. Toys, vehicles of all descriptions, motorbikes, aircraft - absolutely incredible! Make sure you have a few hours or more if you're an enthusiast and you want to make the most of this.

Puzzling World is known as Wanaka's World of Weirdness and is a popular tourist attraction. They take pride in messing with your head through a bunch of 'bizarre buildings, rooms of illusion' and their world famous maze. Their gift shop is full of wonderful weird and strange things and plenty of puzzles that make fantastic gifts for family and friends who love anything that stretches their mind. I usually find myself having a wander through their gift shop at some point during my visits. Please note that the pics following are online pics, not mine.

My favourite place though is Cinema Paradiso. It lives in a regular building where nothing seems particularly out of the ordinary until you go into the cinema itself.  You then have collection of random couches, recliners and even an old car body with seats to watch your movie from. Again, the pics following from Cinema Paradiso were sourced online and are not mine.

You can have a light meal at the cinema as well, either eating before the movie or ordering beforehand and it will be ready for you at the intermission. Yes, they have an intermission!! And for a short time before the intermission, your nostrils are tantalised by the delicious aroma of home baked chocolate chip cookies. Huge cookies, that are ready hot and irresistibly waiting when you come out.

It's an experience that's worth the effort and a great way to wind down at the end of a day exploring or on the slopes. Do yourself a favour and check it out if you're ever visiting Wanaka and are in need some chill out time.